Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
