is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
