Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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