there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
