I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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