hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
