Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
