I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize