I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
