Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
