So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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