she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Less talking, more tequila
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
