She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
