This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
