Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
