Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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