why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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