I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
