He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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