He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
