Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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