hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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