Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
