and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
