Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
