They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
