you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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