Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
