im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
