everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
