I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
