he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my shit smells like andre
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize