The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize