please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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