guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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