I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
