We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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