I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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