I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize