it's like heaven, but drunker
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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