Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
