just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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