After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
