that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
