his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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