just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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