The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
