He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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