also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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