I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
