U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
even my farts smell like vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
