When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
