I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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