New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
