I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
