My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
