you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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