dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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