I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
