I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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