I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
