Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize