after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well you can't waste a boner
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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