It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
