Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
