WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
