so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just invented taco cereal.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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