Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
