belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
