I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
