Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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