We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
