you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
