I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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