Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize