Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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